Someone read this
"Deep down, beneath the bluster and machismo, men are simply afraid to say that what they're truly looking for in a woman is an intelligent, confident and dependable partner in life whom they can devote themselves to unconditionally until she's 40."
I've always thought this is true.
Read the rest of the article
Stolen from "Orthodox Jewish Singles"...
Well, I have to say that I am highly appalled by the article. It may or may not be true. But I was always told that peoples feelings are not a game and that they shouldn't be played like they are. Some guys like to have a little chase, but there is definite appreciation for being chased every once in a while (from anecdotal experiences).
I definitely would punch any guy in the nose who would call my hard earned money "girl-money"! As if to say that I don't work as hard as any man! And I hope that I would never have to "hide" the fact that I am an engineer to get a man's attention. If he doesn't like it that I don't want to date a man that insecure! Good thing I am married to a software engineer who didn't have to "marry down". We are both better off for it.
As for taking my husband's name, it isn't a badge of honor as in "look at me I'm married", as much as look at us we are a family unit. I am very proud to have married my husband and to share his name. Also, when we have kids there will be no confusion, as their last names will match mine and my husbands.
Debbie
I want boy money. And, Nigel, email me at david at zakar dot com.
-DMZ
My dream has always been to live the life of a 50's woman except I get to buy geeky stuff and fast cars with the money my Wife gives me... where's my boy money?
Seriously marrying down just doesn't make economic sense to me; I'd rather marry lateral so if (G-d forbid) I was without a job or got hurt, the hit on me or my children wouldn't be life ending.
What really bugs me about the article is that for a feminist to paint men into this biologically prescribed corner is the pot calling the kettle black. Wasn't the complaint, historically, that men were always saying women were only for baby making and cooking. But whatever, interesting piece.
What's more scary is that while women go to school at higher rates than men they don't get half as far afterwards or don't go to grad school... I only know two women engineers (might be three but the point still stands) and there's something wrong with that. BTW you (debbie) didn't have trouble getting married and the other engineers is someone I'm quite fond of so I really don't get what the fuss is about.
Besides, if you marry an engineer she will fix everything around the house for you while you can sit back and enjoy watching your woman at work.
Nigel,
I didn't think that you agreed with the article. But you asked for comments regarding it so I gave you my two cents. It apparently touched a nerve.
My mom always stressed that relationships should not be a game. The article made it sound like that was the direction it was headed again. Women fought very hard to get the men to see them as an equal and now the article tells the women that all guys "only want a girl beneath them" or "the man wants to chase the girl". And then the article goes on and *encourages* the women to lie so that that the guy thinks that they are beneath them is crazy! I can't even fathom, what kind of a marriage one would have after basing everything on a foundation of lies.
There is an old saying "When men get married they think that their woman will not change, but the woman does. When a woman gets married they expect their man to change, but they don't". And this article brings the world back into that world.
I know many guys who unless they have a very vivid "green light" won't even bother thinking of a woman as someone worth chasing. And acting all coy usually sends both the green and red light at the same time - totally confusing the poor guy. And that thing with the pretending to be willing to pay, but expecting the guy to pay is crazy.
The majority of the guys that I know would prefer to go out with a woman that knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go for it. It could be that that is changing in the younger generation, for whatever reason.
Another thing that bugged me about the article is that it seems that a lot of the women and men that she is talking about are "in love with the idea of being married" rather than "in love with the person they are going to marry". Probably a cause (one of many) towards the high divorce rate. Something to consider when you are in a relationship with someone.
Debbie
"Besides, if you marry an engineer she will fix everything around the house for you while you can sit back and enjoy watching your woman at work."
I can tell you from anecdotal evidence that, unsurprisingly, this isn't how it goes.
Apparently, engineers can be very _verbose_ in describing their feelings about articles, however. ;-)
-DMZ