"i just want to stop feeling like half a person"
"ok, you started feeling this when?"
"uhm, i dunno, just recently... it's just like... i used to say that I wanted to get married but now i know that i want to get married."
"yeshiva does that to people, going to six wedding a semester would do that to anyone..."
"no but it's not even that, i mean it probably didn't help, but what i'm feeling now was always there, i just didn't know what it was."
"well it is impossible to live as a proper jew with only half of your destiny."
"could you marry someone who was less religious than you?"
"uhm, yeah..."
"lets say she wasn't shomer negiah?"
"uhm... yeah... i mean I wouldn't touch her... but i could"
"but then she'd want to touch you"
"but if i wasn't an idiot I'd make clear that any of that would be a mistake"
"ok... but i just just don't see how you could marry someone like that, i mean being shomer negiah was a huge thing for me... it totally screwed up my relationship with my family and friends, i don't see how i could be with someone who's not willing to..."
"uhm, think about it another way... is being jewish about 'the synagogue'... no, it's about one's entire life. the response to the reform movement moved the focus of jewish life from 'all of life' to a building, but that's a distraction, not the point of being a jew, it's living your entire life...
so i guess i see being shomer negiah or kashrus or whatever as 'synagogues'... I don't think that only one thing can define who a person is or where they're going spiritually, you have to look at the whole picture..."
"and what would you need to see?"
"i'd want to see that she is still trying to grow, even if she's not at the same mile marker as I am, as long as we're on the same road..."
"but how do you know that?"
"well, that's why you're going on dates... the conversation."
"but practically, you can't live with someone who doesn't keep kosher..."
"you may be right, but i've never dated someone who doesn't keep kosher"
"fair enough"
"soon by you?"
"soon by you."

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On germ-phobia:
(or its correct name,

I am not a freak like my friend
I can drink out of someone else's cup!
true, if they've coughed for the last year.
have a significant other,
with case of the sniffles...
or well...
HAVE a significant other
I won't drink out of their cup
But otherwise I might!

I am not a freak like my friend
If someone makes kiddush
and drinks from the cup
before passing it on
I'll drink it!
Sure I hyperventilate a little,
have to count to ten before my sip
and think,
"it's a mitzvah, it's a mitzvah, it's a mitzvah"
but I sip it!

I am not a freak like my friend
restaurant silverware doesn't bother me!
I might secretly take them
to the bathroom and wash them
before eating,
but it doesn't scare me,
not one bit
I can eat anywhere (provided that it's sanitary)
but he won't
so I'm not a freak
like my friend

Note: this it hyperbole, I'm really not that weird... all the time



beside the simple
boom-chik boom-boom
blasting out of over-amped
stereo systems passing the kikar
two men with drums
weave a complex
taunting the body
to respond
with not just a tapped foot
or nod of the head

why is it that the only "jewish dance" is walking around in a circle... *sigh*

I am addicted
to looking
at who's looking at me,
today I discovered
that someone from Vilna
read my blog.
if only it was because
of something I wrote
about the Gaon
instead of
navel gazing
and a-cappella Michael Jackson.
dare i write about "important things"?

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every time I breathe I can taste the peanuts
birthdays are great excuses
to gorge one's self on good food
as if honor is achieved by weight gain
and in some way, I suppose it is
with each bite of thai
bringing greater simcha

why is it funny
when I see chareidim
doing anything
sometimes I sit in Geulah
just watching
bekished men
talking on cellphones

New addiction:
Asking questions on
Old Addiction:
De-biasing articles on Wikipedia


fire of torah

looking back
on the thirty third day
I'm truly unsure that I
brought out new levels of
torah yiddishkeit, or
within myself
while saying
a perek of tehillim
and simultaneously being jostled
by the male half of 500,000 jews
I felt a unity of purpose,
each sweaty body
trying to reach
for the next madreiga.

I know I had a better time than her
definitely a better time than him
but probably not as good of a time as them
All I hear in my head is
moshaich moshiach moshiach
ai yi yi yi yi yi yi
moshaich moshiach moshiach
ai yi yi yi yi yi yi

After shabbos dinner
with Pardes-goers
I had an argument with "J"...
does a dvar torah
have to be grounded in the mesorah
or should it stem from personal experience
I vote mesorah, but I'm quasi-yeshivish
so I'm biased (so the story goes)...
But I'm sure that I'm not alone in
wanting to hear more than
the laundry list of the week's
emotional trauma

New Blogs that I like:
The Continuing adventures of Yosele
you're only in your mid-20's once
~ Sarah's View ~

Yam hamelech

boots sodden
by the watery lurching
from boats rowed ashore.
is it right to feel violated
by those who'll come after
to gaze upon these fair hills?

the only problem
with buying phone cards
from the russian mafia
is that asking for the boss
is definitely
more trouble than it's worth

Lactose intolerance

Yesterday my stomach hurt
today my stomach hurts
and if tomorrow comes
my stomach will hurt

Damn the fool who didn't begin drinking milk
in some western african village
if only you'd realized sucking the white stuff
out of a cow's udder would allow your descendants to
eat pizza and ice-cream
with impunity

Damn the enzymes in my stomach
for you are useless and lazy enzymes
enzymes not fit to do menial work at 7-11

Damn my immune system
for you are like an out of control police force
putting the smackdown on innocent bystanders
like chocolate, cheese and crème brûlée
raising my histamine to ung-dly levels

And damn my self control
for you are constantly missing in action
like taxi cabs when it's cold november night
and I have to go to the bathroom.


Whether to exile

in the land of our fathers
the woman who's my mother
visited the,
dare i say,
man who's her son

whether to the exile
turning to pen and plowshares,
to descend to those
and taint this purity
is the complete sum
of my troubles
"oh the multiple troubles of man"
says samuel the prince.

the clouds here float too low
grazing the roof tops on grey days
wrapping the marble buildings in misty blankets
tainting their golden hue
leaving a cool dampness in their wake

for fen.
one may not outlive the ceders of lebanon
but we cheat them with our short tenure
when we fall blissfully in
and they to steel axes down

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in the beginning there was nothing

the zman has started
the zman has started

but I can't think of anything to write yet...