the hammering is making me mental
brain flickering like fireflies
tucked in the space between my eyes
the hammering is making me mental
making me mental

it's too hard
to stand up in this gale
I am tested, and it is not found
I will fall upon your neck
and hide in your shadow

And this is your opinion of me!
This is the estimation in which you hold me!
I thank you for explaining it so fully.
My faults, according to this calculation, are heavy indeed!




So I'm sitting in the kikar
having ice cream with a friend
well, he was having ice cream
I was just "with a friend"
and he asks, "so how's it going"
a trade of small talk
some personal details
a trip for more sprinkles
and it's over...
my life is so full now
I have more than enough
but I'd give it all up
for a quiet night on a couch
with a good book
and something warm
So have I failed yeshiva
or has yeshiva failed me?
Does the fact that this feels
so unbalanced
so trite
mean that I am missing something
Maybe they forgot to put
the right chemicals in the mikveh...

/the don/
I’m a magnificent failure
A master at the art of quitting
Burning bridges and crashing on landing

A regular don Quixote
Punching at windmills

Always on the search for new mistakes
Thought of taking up smoking
It would give me something new to battle

A regular don Quixote
Punching at windmills

When they write on my tomb
“he tried to stop smoking”
I’ll be sure that I was loved

each hand reaching out
to touch the cold limestone
will sleep tonight
safe in the knowledge
"I'm not alone in wishing"



things learned this week, but mostly on shabbos, that may only make sense to me:
1. al pi Rav Skinner: B knows everyone
2. I have moved into "reb" status at the a certain household
3. I right a better dvar torah when I think girls might hear it
4. I am short in a land of short people
5. I am also 'tired of "being" (and) wanna "becoming"'
6. Jschramm rocks hardcore, and is quite popular with the ladies... congrats
7. Death should be tangible and real
8. happiness is a cold beer, hot pizza and Belle and Sebastian with a friend after a long day of Torah
9. every time I am tempted by pizza I think, "no Tol' it'll make you sick!" then I have a bite... then I find out that I was right.
10. An empty yeshiva with friends is a nice place to be

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life is good
really really good
so why do I wonder
when the other shoe
is going to drop?

We only fear the things that may undo our existence
be it a bear, or our favorite soccer team losing a game
both challenge our definition of self
as either superior to lesser animals
or as a member of a people of superior skill

so the fear I have, when challenged by a new gemara rebbe
is my fear of realizing that I'm not a genius
but you knew I was an egotist ;)