In response to the "it's not frum to compliment your dates" postings "david" said:
Never-- but NEVER-- compliment a girl on a date! If she thinks you're attracted to her, she'll start to take you for granted, and that will establish the dynamic for the rest of your (miserable) relationship. If a bochur really wants to impress a girl on a date, he should look at her once, roll his eyes piously to heaven, and cry out "Oy! Why do I always get stuck with the ugly ones?!" In between discussing how much she'll have to earn to support him while he's learning, he should throw in comments like "was your nose always like that, or were you in a car accident?" or "You know, a good plastic surgeon might be able to fix some of that." Another great line is, "I can't help but notice that your breasts are uneven; will you still be able to nurse?" No woman could possibly resist this.
Snark!
Labels: dating
How many mitzvos are "simply" mitzvos of machshava?
Anochi H' elokecha
Ahavas H'
Yiras H'
Yichud H'
Have no other gods
Is that it? There is a gemara in the second perek of brachos (daf 13b) that sparked this question:
אמר ליה רב נחמן לדרו עבדיה בפסקא קמא צערן טפי לא תצערן
The idea that it would be "enough" to simply say the first pasuk of krias shema is unbelievable, and rightly so; the meaning of this story is that the rabbis were makpid to accept עול מלכות שמימ during the correct zman, not that the first pasuk is the fulfillment of the obligation for krias shema. But why did Rav Nachman have to say the words of Shema in order to accept H's malchus? After all, the verbal acceptance (perhaps) stems from a mental assertion.
I think the answer can be found in a concept from Kiddushin (daf 50a) that states:
דברים שבלב אינו דברים
When creating an agreement for marriage, the parties create the aggreement by openly stating what conditions they wish to place on the agreement. Conditions that are not testified to at the time of the agreement and left in the mind (or "in the heart") cannot be used to break the agreement later. Where this concept intersects with the suggiya in brachos is that the acceptance of the Jewish people's "agreement" to accept G-d's personal rule over the Jewish people is the acceptance without any stipulations, but the main facet of the agreement must be stated out loud because an agreement that is left in the mind and the heart doesn't have the strength of law.
So the acceptance of Hashem's monarchy is not a mitzva that I'd add to the list of mitzvos that are accomplished through thought alone.
Labels: dating, judaism
