Today started crummy and ended crummy,
but there's always tomorrow
went "off the map" today
left the cell at home
didn't check email
just worked, learned and exercised
sometimes I wish
that i'd grown up in some 3rd world country
subsistence farming, half starving
making music on a half strung guitar
listening to the outside
through the filter of AM
or FM if I'm lucky
I know it's stupid,
and that only one who's never starved
would wish such a thing
but I beg for simplicity
to wake up each morning
to a prayer and my crops
I know it's stupid
but I still wish for it.
don't know how to say
"music" in russian
but that seems right
I saw Avraham Rosenblum last night
It's funny to see a grandfather
that still thinks he's hard rock
and he is good at what he does
but hard rock?
I think not
Went with Etan
my new "best friend"
I remember being young
when that meant something and nothing
doled out to whomever
gave the best trades at lunch,
these days
when everyone's meeting their bashert
my best friends are dropping like flies
today I'm hungry
I need to get out,
start doing
it's like everyday
is spent lost inside
talking to no one
sharing nothing
Did Moshe talk to himself?
before the renting of egyptian cotton
plotting out his next move
the words of entreaty
or was it like marriage
where no thought was his own
or needed to be
each worry lovingly responded,
and disposed
*sigh*
mine just pile up and fester
Confucious say,
"A man of humanity,
wishing to establish his own character,
also establishes the character of others,
and wishing to be prominent himself,
also helps others to be prominent"
So I bow and scrape,
hoping that one day
their children will know
who's the greater mench
I'd rather dance with you than talk with you
So why don't we just move into the other room
There's space for us to shake, and hey, I like this tune
Even if I could hear what you said
I doubt my reply would be interesting for you to hear
Because I haven't read a single book all year
And the only film I saw, I didn't like it at all
I'd rather dance, I'd rather dance than talk with you
I'd rather dance, I'd rather dance than talk with you
I'd rather dance, I'd rather dance than talk with you
The music's too loud and the noise from the crowd
Increases the chance of misinterpretation
So let your hips do the talking
I'll make you laugh by acting like the guy who sings
And you'll make me smile by really getting into the swing
Getting into the swing, getting into the swing
Getting into the swing, getting into the swing
Getting into the swing, getting into the swing
Getting into the swing, getting into the swing...
(Getting into the swing...)
I'd rather dance, I'd rather dance than talk with you
I'd rather dance, I'd rather dance than talk with you
I'd rather dance, I'd rather dance than talk with you
I'd rather dance, I'd rather dance than talk with you
I'd rather dance with you
I'd rather dance with you
I've eaten too many tortilla chips
my stomach hurts
I'm browsing away messages
and feeling sorry for myself
what the hell am I doing?
Am I pissing my life away?
am I purchasing anything with this price?
right about now
I'm supposed to think
"H' has a plan for you"
"gam ze l'tova"
and all that
sometimes a glare from a chassid
makes me crumble,
saps my strength,
I'm going to bed
We rarely see each other
Ms. M and I
a virtual friendship
forged over long nights
crouched over smooth vellum
and sustained by electronic letters
We rarely see each other
Ms. M and I
but through the recent turmoil,
relationships lost or transformed
by my new obsession
she has been my constant companion.
Thank you
DAMN YOU! free for the day, BUT NOT KOSHER!!!! ARGGGGG FEEL MY WRATH!!!!
I love music.
I love the way it makes
the simple act of moving
jerkily or smoothly
transcendent.
usurping the eyes,
taking over the body
with only your ears to guide.
where'd you learn how to dance?
music possesses virally,
moving the body without will
clumsy post-pubescent
legs, hands, feet,
moving in a burst
of hormones emotion and energy
without control or focus
music is wasted on the young
Moshav Band was good
good enough that
some sort of mainstreaming
could take place
I wonder if they resent
playing for high-schoolers
who care only superficially
for their craft
my glasses are my eyes
blind and lost
without them
like some timid mole
I got lost on the way home
missed my exit,
mostly because
couldn't remember the way
couldn't even see my way either
I am scared of being alone forever
only a 24 year old can be afraid
as I am
sigh
J. is my strange,
younger and older sister
fun for a movie
good for a chat
yichud/negia sucks in this way
hope I don't lose her
E. is a flirt
making each boy
fall in love with her
all clustering around
in some pathetic
man-dance
bringing tribute to her
in the form of bravado
intellect
my father and I get along
hasn't always been this way
as evinced by our awkward silences
when stories of the past are told
but today is his day
determined to celebrate fatherhood
no matter how flawed
manifest by cold beer and
watching sports
at gemara this morning
a man with a serial number
indelibly marked on his flesh
asked, "who are you?"
what gives you the right...
my mind continued speaking.
never having had to face being
a kiddush H. I thought,
I am no one
because my brother rocks so hardcore it amazes me
chassidim this shabbos
visiting from Yerushalayim
I freak them out,
Yemeni?
lo
Falasha?
lo
I'm jus' po' ole' 'merican suh;
out to get my self right wit' G-d
gut voch
no, I'm batman
says the voice in my head
every man in his twenties
thinks he could really be hardcore
but then we realize that we're fat
and don't want to invest the time
so do you know
to break dance?
I know baby
after every ma'ariv you can
"fin' me inna club"
The rebbe doesn't think I'm ready
Inside my heart broke,
nothing to do
but prove him wrong
sometimes I wonder
does H. want me?
probably not
sometimes I wonder what I'm doing
plunging alone
bouncing from windmill to windmill
like the keys on an old player piano
perfectly timed but slightly off-key
woke up really late today
tomorrow will be better
I said that yesterday
reading Snow Crash
the most attractive future
is the dystopian vision
like we're engaged in collective pessimism
I forgot to make a hamichyah
after my energy bar
an offence, forgivable now
more serious as my dreams become true
lucky are those
who have never known
the warmth of a friend in bed
because you can never go back.
Mood: good, with a tinge of lonely
Used a sleeping pill last night
my whole day has been "such a dream"
except there's no boat
and I'm not getting any work done
when I eat I feel tired,
does this mean I'm dying?
passed MaryPIRG evangelizers
while getting organic pita
they didn't bother to accost me
I almost went back to complain:
"I don't look like I love the environment!?!"
Then I realized that I don't
Rebbe says I'm "done"
new birthday coming "soon"
happy/scared, hehe
The Yeshiva was my home
two day yom tov leaves one
smelly/fat/happy/exhausted
Every last question was
"So nu?"
I ate dinner with seminary girls
one wants to be an architect,
prudishness was packed
for a passing of information
never knew that I'd turned into
one of "them",
scared/delighted/entranced
by the eyes of a woman.
carefully memorizing each eyelash
hanging on each word.
lesson of the day:
shomer negiah
yay! kosher goodness
coworkers think I'm insane
to be happy about a deli
I'm a fraud sometimes,
ger-tzedek I'm called
praised by the rebbetzin
but inside I struggle
with just the basics
Went to the bank today
More money than midos
Today I taught
of those who
forsake joy for
holiness.
Got this new blog
So I could start fresh
I've always wanted to
Just never could
But then I started
turning down the pork
and hanging out with alter yidden
does that make me holy?
